I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
