jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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