I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
