and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
