I'm jealous of your bromance
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
