she woke up with a sticky ear
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
