You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
