Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
