I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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