im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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