He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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