ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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