Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
