roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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