I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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