You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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