I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
