you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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