I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
