It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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