You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
