And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
