I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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