absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
