was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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