Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
