i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
