dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
As shirtless as possible
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just gargled with NyQuil
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
