And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
