Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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