Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
