if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
