I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize