Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We have started to decorate penises.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
