I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
