She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
