sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
