we have pet lesbian snakes
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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