my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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