Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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