You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize