just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
