Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize