She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Im part way to drunk.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
