I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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