There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
