he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
