my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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