Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
