my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
