You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize