I am puke
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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