What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
