so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
