But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
