Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
