I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
