Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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