i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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