I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
