I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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