Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
