I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
