Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
