Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
