I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
