she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
