She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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