I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
