Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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