Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
