You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
