Don't you send me to vm
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
