I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
