Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
